The Broken Chain

Have you ever been on a long bike ride?  Not one that involves smooth trails, flat terrain and water fountains just at the point when you think you need a drink. But   maybe a ride that was long, the day was hot, sunscreen was forgotten, and there were a lot of uphill climbs?  And, maybe, during one of these climbs, the chain breaks on your bicycle?  Well, if you know me, you know I hate biking, but lately I feel like I’m on a bicycle chain breaking ride with my sweet girl Sydney.

I have never second guessed myself more than in the last two months.  I have questioned myself, sought advice, pondered dilemmas and lost sleep trying to remember how to care for a new baby and how to grow a loving, humble and happy 3 year old.  Remember that song “Things that make you go Mmmm…”  Well, that is currently my theme song.  I’m constantly thinking “Mmm..what can I do to help Sydney understand that telling her little friend that she doesn’t like her anymore is not okay or Mmm…will Abby become obese later in life because I’ve chosen to feed her formula because breastfeeding was as brutal as an MMA fight?”  The list of my questions and worries is long. I’ve always had a fair amount of confidence, but this parenting thing is a true test.

I am affected every day in my career by people’s parenting decisions.  As a teacher, I know what good parenting can do for a child, and how misguided parenting can leave children struggling to find their place in the world.  Each year, I meet students that leave me in awe of their awesomeness.  While I was pregnant with Abby, I would catch myself looking around my classes, and thinking, “I wonder what her/his parents did to make her/him such a wonderful person.”  In one parent teacher interview, I actually asked one parent.  She said, “Is there anything else I should know?” And I said, “No, but there is something I would like to know.  What did you do as a parent that allowed Jessie to become an amazing student, athlete and person?” Of course, Jessie’s mother laughed and said to me, “I never let her away with anything that didn’t make me proud and even when I didn’t really like her behavior, I always told her every day how much I loved her.”   I said, “Well, it sure worked.” And she replied, “Yup, but some days it was hard work, but I think it paid off.”

I’m hoping the hard work I’m putting in with Sydney, and eventually Abby will pay off.  This blog post was inspired when I said to Jamie, “Well, today was a good day.  Sydney didn’t have time out.” Jamie chuckled, but after I said it, I felt a little sad.  I was measuring a successful day by how little Sydney was punished.  I went upstairs to fold some laundry, came back down and said to Jamie, “Today was a good day because Sydney happily played by herself, painted some beautiful pictures, entertained us when she danced ballet after dinner and she hugged and kissed her sister in a way that makes your heart melt.”  Jamie of course laughed, and said, “Sydney is going to be fine, don’t worry so much.” Oh, Jamie, I would love to be you for a day.

So, for my girls, I will measure successful days by the smiling moments rather than the stern moments.  And, I will just take it one day at a time, because, I hope, in the end, it will pay off and my girls will be strong, loving and contributing citizens to the world.  

No pressure.

Beth

Saying Hi

I talk a lot when I'm out in the world.  Today I was running errands and as I was talking to a lady about her intricate hair style while I was shopping for diapers I suddenly realized I may have a stranger conversation compulsion.  I spark up conversations with a lot of people, and, the best part is that most (if not all) people will talk back to me. They just needed someone else to get the conversation started and I have no problem with that.

When Jamie and I first started dating, I would say, "Hi" to people all the time (I still do), and he would say, "Who was that?" and I would always reply, "I don't know, I just said Hi."  Very quickly, he stopped asking.  It's like this reflex I have.  Now, I don't want you to think I'm this "Hi" machine, and that every person who crosses my path receives a "Hi" from me.  No, that would be crazy.  But, when I'm out running in my neighborhood (or wherever), I say "Hi" to people I go by, or if I I'm standing in line, I might give the person beside me a little smile with a "Hi."  Not in a weird way, but a friendly way.  I don't know.  I really don't have any control over it.  It just comes out, but I'm pretty sure I know where it originated from. 

I'm an only child and I believe that my mother trained me to be friendly, or at least be open to meeting and talking to people.  She tells stories of how I would go up to kids in the playground or at the wading pool and say, "Hi, my name is Beth, do you want to play?"  As an adult, I've downgraded to just "Hi", but the effect of being friendly is just as powerful as it was when I was a kid.  I participated in a lot of fun as a child because I was willing to put myself out there and I think that's translated into a few adventures as an adult as well. 

So, that leads me to today.  I took Sydney to a friend's house who has a beautiful pool, and, if you were also in the Atlantic Provinces today, you will know it was incredibly hot outside.  I was so glad to be invited over.  As we were walking up the stairs to the house, I don't know what came over me, but I said to Sydney, "Ok Syd, Sarah is going to be here with her little girl, Tori, you remember Tori right?" Sydney nods.  "When you see her, you don't need to be shy, or hide your head.   I think you should be brave and just say Hi.  I bet they will smile and be happy when you say it, and I will be proud of you.  Do you think you could try it?"  Sydney and I were standing at the door at this point, and she said, "Yup, I will try." 

When we got in the house, I could see that they were out back by the pool.  Sydney and I got changed, and I made no mention of saying Hi. We went to the deck door, and opened it up and the first thing Sydney said was "Hi" with a big smile and a friendly voice.  Of course, Sarah smiled and said "Hi Sydney" and Tori, who is only 6 months old, smiled as well. I started chatting with Sarah and we headed to the pool.  Sydney didn't act strange (which she normally would do) and she had fun as soon as she got there, rather than needing time to warm up.  It was such a wonderful change.  We swam, we had fun, and, eventually, it was time to go.

We got outside and I loaded Syd into the van, and started to buckle her in.  You're going to think I'm making this part up, but I kid you not, this is what Sydney said to me, "Mommy, I said Hi and Sarah and Tori smiled." I was a bit taken aback because that had been well over an hour ago that we had that conversation.  I said, "I know honey, see what happens when you're friendly.  You made them happy, and all you had to do was say Hi."  Sydney smiled and said, "Are you proud of me mommy?"  Well, I don't think I have to tell you that I teared up a little bit.  I held her little face in my hands and said, "Mommy is so proud of you Sydney.  You make me so happy every day.  I love you."  She says, "I'm proud of you too Mommy."  I laughed because I was proud too.  For all the moments I have mommy guilt, I really appreciated a moment of mommy pride.

Yours in having a proud parent moment,

Beth

Just Do It

For the last few years, as a teacher, I've taught two sections of English 10 and two sections of Personal Development and Career Planning (PDCP).  In PDCP, we start the year with a two week unit where we lay a foundation of skills based on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.  Habit #3 always makes me question myself.  Habit #3 is Put First Things First, which teaches to prioritize and put your most important things first, so that they don't become urgent and stressful.  Within this Habit we discuss 4 different types of people, including the procrastinator.  Every time I teach this habit, I think to myself, "Beth, you are talking about yourself here, you have got to stop procrastinating, you just have to get stuff done."  But out loud I say to students, "Doesn't it feel great to accomplish a task or goal, and in order to do that, we need to stay focused, and choose not to procrastinate, we need to choose to be doers rather than time wasters." Easier said than done.  In my mind, I'm the queen of the time wasters.

I admire a lot of people, but the people I truly admire are the people who get shit done.  People who seem to be in perpetual motion, and who leave a myriad of accomplishments in their wake.   Don't get me wrong. I do stuff, but I'm certainly not captain accomplished.  I look at things constantly and think, "I should really do something about that" And then I walk by and forget about it until the next time I decide to ignore it.

So, in the spirit of For the Girls, I've stopped walking by and I've started operation "Just Do It."  No, I'm not a Nike fan, but they really do have something figured out when it comes to their slogan.  Really, rather than procrastinating, wasting time, or thinking up excuses, it's so much easier to just do it.  I've been putting this theory into operation the past week and here is what I have learned that I would like to pass on to Cyberland.

There is immense pride in the little things.  Before I would just walk by the garden with weeds, leave the mess on the kitchen island, or curse the messy junk drawer.  This week I took 7.2 minutes (yes, I timed it) and weeded the garden by the front door, I cleared off the kitchen island in 4 minutes (and no, I didn't just put it all in a basket, I put the items away), and I pulled out the junk drawer and de-junked it.  Now when I pull out that drawer to get a pen, I smile because, there they are, all neatly organized and ready for writing.  These are all small, very silly, very minor things, but before I addressed them, they kind of made me feel badly about myself.  They were reminders of my laziness, or at least my perceived laziness.  It's amazing how good a clean junk drawer can make you feel about yourself.

When you just decide to do, fun happens.   It's been a little hectic at my house lately as Jamie has taken on a huge, time consuming task with our house, and I've had to spend a lot of time at my mom and dad's since the work he's doing is noisy, and not conducive to napping kids.  It's a lot of packing, and unpacking the kids stuff every day, but with my new Just Do It plan, the packing and unpacking is quick, which leaves me time to take the kids outside, to go to the park, to go play in the cottage that they have set up at Costco (Syd loves that thing and her mean old mommy won't buy her one) and to paint.  Sydney loves to paint, but man is it a messy affair, but we're painting, and we're having fun, and I'm setting it up, and cleaning it up, and she loves it and I love that she loves it, so we're doing it.  

I might live past 40, because it's amazing how my mind is now calm.  Rather than fill my mind with a repetition of thoughts about what I should be doing, I'm now thinking, then doing, as much as possible.  When I sit down at the end of the day to relax, or write an article for my blog, I don't have all these thoughts running through my mind, I relax.  Like, real relaxing.  Like, relaxing that I knew other people do, but I've never really enjoyed.  It's quite nice.   I feel lighter, and all I had to do was stop making excuses and start doing.  Simple concept, unbelievable outcome.

So, if you are someone how has always subscribed to the "Just Do It" plan, I admire you.  You figured it out a long time ago, and you've been enjoying all the perks of getting shit done.  For those of you who are like me, I encourage you to stop making excuses and just do it.  You'll love it.  I do.

Yours in hoping to teach my children to feel pride in accomplishments, no matter how small,

Beth

It's happening...

The other day I wrote about fitness, so today I thought I'd tackle control.  

I really wish I could be someone who could fly by the seat of their pants.  The seat flyers seem to lead such exciting and adventuresome lives.  Seat flyers get themselves into funny predicaments and then have to seat fly their way out of them.  They roll with the punches, and smile when things go wrong. Seat flyers lead whimsical lives that allow them to make great memories for themselves. 

I'm so far from a whimsical seat flyer.  I set goals, I plan, I make lists, I check and recheck my lists...I control.

But, what I've come to realize is that with that control, I am putting up invisible blinders to potential fun.  Rather than enjoying the activity, vacation or event, I'm evaluating how it is going, trying to improve what is happening, or thinking, "Ok, now after this, we will move on to this..."  I'm never, and I mean never (Ok, sometimes, but hardly ever), living in the moment.  I don't enjoy the right now because I'm always worried about the next thing.  This is what I need to change. I'm missing my life.  I'm missing the fun.  I like to create or plan the fun, but when the fun happens, I'm there, but my head isn't.  I have to get my head into the now, so I can enjoy the fun. Fun is what life is all about. 

I've thought about how I'm going to change the person that I have been for a very long time.  How I'm going to let go of the control and be part of the action - I went to bed last night thinking about this.  I tend to do my best thinking when I'm asleep.   I woke up with this in my mind: "It's happening - don't miss it."  I feel like a lot of the time in my life, the moment was happening, and I completely missed it.   

My wedding would be a perfect example.  I was there, but my mind wasn't.  I was checking off my mental check list all day.  I can remember standing at the altar and checking that the flowers were placed where I had wanted them, and that the signing table had the correct table cloth on it.  I wish someone would have been behind me and whispered, "It's happening - don't miss it."  Then maybe I would remember how my husband smelled that day, or the inspirational words of the minister.  Instead, I remember that the candelabras weren't all lit.   

I'm missing the important moments, and, for the girls, I want them to have a mother who is present, and part of the action.  I'm done being there in body.  I'm going to slowly release my mental checklist and embrace a little of the seat flyer mentality.  I'm going to give whimsy a chance because my life is happening and I'm not going to miss it any more.  

Yours in attempting to fly by the seat of her pants,

Beth

Where to begin...

So, I'm getting my fitness and my health on, and trying to tame the control freak.  Where to begin? Well, after yesterday's thumbs up from Mary at the Superstore (see yesterday's post if this reference is not connecting for you), I thought I'd write about my sweet and simple fitness plan. 

Crunch Challenge

On Facebook a while back I saw that people were posting about participating in the 30 day Crunch Challenge.  I thought, 30 days, it takes 30 days to make a habit, 30 days isn't that long, Ok, I'm all for the 30 day Crunch Challenge.  So I started last week.

 I discovered three things very quickly about this challenge. 

1. It takes far less time in the run of a day to do 100 crunches (or whatever the schedule called for that day) than I would have ever imagined.  Seriously.  Like 2 minutes.  I would look at the calendar, go to the front room, lay down on Sydney's play mats, do my X amount of crunches and then be amazed that they were all done.  I even went online and watched a couple of Youtube videos on various crunch options, and switched crunch positions after every 25 crunches and by no means did it ever take me more than 5 minutes.  So, really, we could all be participating in the crunch challenge every day. 

2. Crunches tone your belly - go figure!  Ha ha.  I'm trying to be funny, but seriously, crunches work.  I can feel that my stomach is getting more toned (and I just had a baby 6 weeks ago), so that is a great motivator to keep going.

3. Actions do speak louder than words.  Jamie wanted to know what the random #'s were on the calendar.  I told him about the challenge and he's all over it.  He's been on team crunch a lot, and I even caught him this morning trying to find a push up challenge online.  :)

If you'd like to challenge yourself to Crunch it up for 30 days, here are a couple of great websites.

http://shrinkingjeans.net/2013/05/30-day-ab-challenge/ - This is the one I'm following - I was drawn by the "shrinking jeans" part of the address.

This is the one a few friends have followed, where you do progressively more crunches each day: http://anothercityurbanite.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/tumblr_mld03kknqh1sopt5no1_500.jpg

Next up, Couch to 5 K

I've been a lukewarm runner for about 10 years.  I get all geared up, train, train, train, run a 10 k or half marathon and then fall off the wagon for 6 months (or a year!)  I always have tremendous guilt, especially when I see my Running Room jacket hanging in the closet.  You know that one.  The one that all people who run seem to have.   It's a must have when you first start running.   Check out any learn to run running group.  They all have one. 

So, here I go with the Couch to 5K. Yes, I know what you're thinking.  "Beth, it doesn't seem like your inner self wants to embrace running as your go to fitness activity. " I hear you, but, I like what running is all about.  It's individual, it involves very little equipment, you can do it anywhere, you don't have to sign up for classes, and I enjoy entering races with friends.  I'm making a life change here, so, fingers crossed, running will stick this time. Since I really haven't done that much exercise for at least 10 months, I figured I better start slow.  My friend Jill inspired me to give the Couch to 5 K a go.

I started last week, and again, it seems to be going great.  Now, I realize I'm on maternity leave and have more flexible time than full time working moms, but Jill is a full time working mom, and she's doing it, so I know it's doable.  Small amount of time (only 30 minutes) to be able to run 5k (which is the starting distance for any race you may want to enter).  On my last maternity leave I used to take 30 minutes to bake a batch of double chocolate chip cookies. If I swap 30 minutes of baking for 30 minutes of fitness, I'll be Jane Fonda by Labor Day!  Although, I'm sure even Jane whooped up some cookies once in awhile.   Jamie and Sydney love chocolate chip cookies (Ok, I love them too).

Yours in only eating one handful of chocolate chips in the last 3 days,

Beth

PS. Start the crunch challenge today - I dare you!