It's happening...

The other day I wrote about fitness, so today I thought I'd tackle control.  

I really wish I could be someone who could fly by the seat of their pants.  The seat flyers seem to lead such exciting and adventuresome lives.  Seat flyers get themselves into funny predicaments and then have to seat fly their way out of them.  They roll with the punches, and smile when things go wrong. Seat flyers lead whimsical lives that allow them to make great memories for themselves. 

I'm so far from a whimsical seat flyer.  I set goals, I plan, I make lists, I check and recheck my lists...I control.

But, what I've come to realize is that with that control, I am putting up invisible blinders to potential fun.  Rather than enjoying the activity, vacation or event, I'm evaluating how it is going, trying to improve what is happening, or thinking, "Ok, now after this, we will move on to this..."  I'm never, and I mean never (Ok, sometimes, but hardly ever), living in the moment.  I don't enjoy the right now because I'm always worried about the next thing.  This is what I need to change. I'm missing my life.  I'm missing the fun.  I like to create or plan the fun, but when the fun happens, I'm there, but my head isn't.  I have to get my head into the now, so I can enjoy the fun. Fun is what life is all about. 

I've thought about how I'm going to change the person that I have been for a very long time.  How I'm going to let go of the control and be part of the action - I went to bed last night thinking about this.  I tend to do my best thinking when I'm asleep.   I woke up with this in my mind: "It's happening - don't miss it."  I feel like a lot of the time in my life, the moment was happening, and I completely missed it.   

My wedding would be a perfect example.  I was there, but my mind wasn't.  I was checking off my mental check list all day.  I can remember standing at the altar and checking that the flowers were placed where I had wanted them, and that the signing table had the correct table cloth on it.  I wish someone would have been behind me and whispered, "It's happening - don't miss it."  Then maybe I would remember how my husband smelled that day, or the inspirational words of the minister.  Instead, I remember that the candelabras weren't all lit.   

I'm missing the important moments, and, for the girls, I want them to have a mother who is present, and part of the action.  I'm done being there in body.  I'm going to slowly release my mental checklist and embrace a little of the seat flyer mentality.  I'm going to give whimsy a chance because my life is happening and I'm not going to miss it any more.  

Yours in attempting to fly by the seat of her pants,

Beth